Wind and Wishes

As a young girl in elementary school, I always looked forward to the time just prior to Feb 14. During those days, we made and decorated folders which would serve as mailboxes for the cards that would be personally delivered by our classmates. At the end of the day on Feb 14, we were allowed to take our folders home where we would happily read our valentines over and over.

On a particularly windy Valentine's Day, I was walking home from school, feeling very elated about all of the cards that I had received. Suddenly, a gust of wind "grabbed" my valentine folder, sending all of the treasured valentines into a flying frenzy. I watched in disbelief as the cards blew away. My walk turned into a run, and I cried over my loss all the way home.

After I had wept and told the story to my mom, the doorbell rang. It was a welcomed sight to see two of my little classmates beaming and holding my valentine cards. From their homes, they had watched what happened, and had run all over the neighborhood in an attempt to gather as many cards as they could find.

At this point in my life, I cannot remember the names of the friends who delivered those cards to their weeping classmate. But, I can say, without a doubt, that it felt like love to me.

Fast forward with me to May of 2007. Rob was staying at my parents' home for the evening while Bob and I were enjoying a date night at a local steakhouse. As we were eating, I said, "I wish we could take a walk on the beach after dinner." Over the last few days, I had longed to hear the sounds of the ocean, but had not mentioned that to anyone. When I made that comment, I was just thinking out loud that it would be nice to walk on the beach if there was a beach nearby. Bob looked across the table at me and said, "Let's do it." I thought he was kidding around. But, I quickly learned that Bob was dead serious.

The practical side of me came out as I thought about it being a 4 1/2 hour drive, and that I would need to be back to play for the service at church the next morning. When I asked again if Bob was kidding, he said that this was a one-night, spontaneous offer. If it would make me happy to walk on the beach, then he would make that walk happen. Tears welled up in my eyes when he said that, as I felt valued and knew that Bob wanted to do something special for me.

After arranging for Rob to spend the night with my parents, we left for the beach at 9:15pm. And, after a 4 1/2 hour drive, we arrived at Wrightsville Beach at 1:45am. What a special time we had as we rolled up our pants legs, held hands, got our feet wet in the ocean, and picked up some shells. The sounds of the ocean were like a soothing balm to my soul. 45 minutes later, we got in the car and headed toward home. I slept a little on the way back as Bob drove through the night. We arrived at home at 7:00am. After a quick nap, I got ready to play for the Memorial Day service at our church.

That spontaneous trip to walk on the beach and to hear the sounds of the ocean is a memory that will forever be dear to my heart. Most of all, it meant the world that Bob cared enough to hear the longing in my voice and to grant a desire of my heart.

Three years later, Bob moved away to start a new life. It feels like our hopes and dreams for the future have blown away in a gust of wind as the valentines did many years ago. But, on that night in 2007, it felt like love to me.

Coming to Me

During this month of February, I am thinking of people who have demonstrated love to me in various ways throughout the years. The first person I would like to share about is my mother.

It would be impossible to count the number of times that my mom has shown visible love to me over the last 55 years. So, I will try to narrow it down to an event that occurred about 30 years ago, and another that happened on this very day.

In March of 1981, I was honored to be in the wedding of a dear friend of mine in Florida. At that time, I was stationed in Texas, and my parents were still in our home state of North Carolina. A bridesmaids' luncheon was scheduled as part of the wedding festivities, and it was to be a mother/daughter event. I felt a sense of sadness that I would be the only one without a mom at the luncheon.

On the morning of the event, there came a knock at the bride's door. To my astonishment, there stood my mom and dad, and I heard my mom say, "Is there someone who needs a mother to go with her to a mother/daughter luncheon today?" Of course, my dad gets some credit here too, as he had driven through the night to get my mom there in time for the luncheon. As I stood there in amazement, I knew that I had never seen anything as beautiful or received such a wonderful gift as their presence on that morning. And, there was no one attending the luncheon on that day who was more proud to have her mother there with her.

Now let's fast forward thirty years to this day. I called my mom early this morning to ask her to pray for me as I was struggling with some lower back pain. She knew that, if I was neither playing the piano for the monthly Air National Guard chapel service nor the worship services at my church, then I was in a great deal of pain. On a normal Sunday, I stop by my parents' home after the evening service to visit and have leftovers from their delicious Sunday lunch. As we talked by phone, I told my mom that I didn't think I would be able to drive over there this evening due to the back pain.

After a short time, my mom called me back to say that she would be bringing me a plate of food later in the afternoon. Again, it was a beautiful sight to see her at my front door. And, she didn't just come by to drop off the food and leave. Mama sat with me and visited while I enjoyed her company and her wonderful home-cooked meal. We laughed about the squirrels that were also having lunch outside (and who were not sharing very well, to say the least!). It was a special time with Mama on a day when I truly needed her presence.

The similarity that stands out in my mind is that, on these two occasions, my mother came to me when I could not get to her. And, she represented Jesus Who also came to us when we could not get to Him.

I am reminded of a question that is asked of the King in the book of Matthew.

"Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You something to drink?" The King's answer was that, when these acts of kindness were done for the least of these, they were done for Him.

Mama, thank you for coming to me when I could not get to you, for representing Jesus, and for serving Him as you continue to serve others.

Proverbs 31:28a - "Her children arise and call her blessed..."

Lord, thank you for the priceless gift of a Christian mother.

Whispers and Shouts

On this night, I am pondering a short excerpt that I just read from "A Heart Exposed" by Steven James. It is a question that the author asks of Jesus: "Why do I think my life should be filled with cream and cookies when Yours was filled with blood and tears?" That question is penetrating the very depths of my soul.

Some who read this will know that 2010 was a roller coaster year for me, physically and emotionally. As I continue to travel through this time of healing, it seems that the world is shouting in one ear while God is whispering in the other. The world shouts, "You have every right to be angry! You were abandoned at a vulnerable time in your life!" God whispers, "Trust in Me. I will never leave you or forsake you." The world shouts, "What was he thinking!?!? There was no excuse to desert you after 28 years of marriage!!" God whispers, "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The Holy Spirit keeps assuring me that there is something in my future that I cannot see. And, I believe with all my heart that the events of 2010 had to happen in order to prepare me for whatever God has planned for me a little further down the road. If God had been finished with me, I am convinced that He would not have cured me of the breast cancer. It feels good to be a nine month cancer survivor!

In 1 Kings 19, Elijah was instructed to go out and stand on the mountain because God was about to pass by. A mighty wind, an earthquake, and a raging fire came. But, God was not to be found in any of those shattering events. However, after the fire, God chose to reveal Himself in a gentle whisper. If Elijah had not been listening, he would have missed the very presence of God.

Do I live in a "cream and cookies" world? Absolutely not! But, my desire is that I will listen to the gentle whispers, and that I will tune out the shouts of the world. After all, I would not want to miss God's presence.

While the loud, shouting world encourages me to live in the turbulent sea of bitterness, Jesus gazes into the crashing waves of my soul and says, "Peace, be still."

"The wind and the waves shall obey My will. Peace, be still. Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea, or demons, or men, or whatever it be; No water can swallow the ship where lies the Master of ocean and earth and skies. They all shall sweetly obey My will; Peace, be still." (chorus of "Peace, Be Still" by Baker and Palmer)

Lord, help me to be listening for Your gentle whisper.

Dadquest Directions

It is not an uncommon thing for one to mapquest a destination by going to the computer and typing in the starting address and the destination address. As if by magic, the directions appear on the screen and can be printed out to take on one's journey.

When I started driving, I did not have the luxury of a computer or of mapquest directions. However, I was blessed to have what I will refer to as "Dadquest" directions. My dad was a truck driver for 32 years, was an excellent map reader, and had my full confidence that he could get himself (or anyone else, for that matter) wherever he might want to travel in the United States.

Over the years, an important part of every journey preparation was to ask Daddy to look at the map with me. After studying the map, he would write out the best route. I always trusted that Daddy was guiding me in the right direction. And, I can honestly say that he never steered me on the wrong path , even when he wrote out the 1100 mile route to Texas when I entered the Air Force in 1978.

Daddy is now 85 years-old, and he is still giving directions. This came to mind yesterday when he rode with a painter friend to my house. I live 15 miles from my parents. But, Daddy does not show up on my doorstep very often, as all of his children and grandchildren are in and out of his house in a manner similar to Grand Central Station. And, that is the way he likes it. But, on this beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon, Daddy rode with his friend to my house so he could give directions and make sure that the painter arrived at the correct destination.

In a similar way, our Heavenly Father wants us to go to Him as we prepare for our life journeys. We are wise if we ask Him to look at the map and write out the best route for us. And, we are even wiser if we choose to follow His written directions. The truth is that He has already given us written directions in His Word. It is up to us to trust our Heavenly Father enough to stay on the course that He has written out for us to follow.

If I had decided to ignore my "Dadquest" directions in 1978, I may have arrived in California instead of Texas. Choosing to ignore God's directions can result in our arrival at a place where we truly do not want to be. If you don't believe me, just ask the Prodigal Son.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

"So be careful to do what the Lord your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left." (Deuteronomy 5:32)

Heavenly Father, help me to follow the directions that You have written out for my life journey.

God's Banking

As a young child, I loved going to the bank. It was such a thrill when my sister and I were taken to the downtown branch of our local bank to open our very own savings accounts. We were each given a small green book which would help us keep track of how much money we had in the bank. Over the years, as we saved up some of our own money from our allowances, we would go on exciting journeys to the bank to deposit it into our accounts. The little green books accompanied us on every bank adventure. The bank employee would stamp the date in our little green books, and then would write in the amount of our deposit and our balance. Even though I didn't quite grasp the concept of interest or dividends, I loved the fact that my money was growing.

Travel with me to November 7, 1999. My 7 year-old son, Rob, was riding with me to church on that Sunday morning which happened to be my birthday. His financial goal, for a long time, had been to save fifty dollars so he could take it to the bank and exchange his money for a fifty dollar bill.

He had finally reached that goal during the previous week, and was so proud of his crisp fifty dollar bill.

As we turned into the church parking lot, Rob confided, "Dad had to borrow my fifty dollar bill. He was low on money, and we wanted to get you a birthday present. Dad will pay me back on Wednesday when he gets paid." I immediately felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I thought of Bob having to borrow Rob's money that he had saved for so long. However, my sadness turned to laughter as Rob continued, "I will give him a two-day grace period to pay me back. After Friday, it will be $5.00 more for each day!"

It occurs to me that I still enjoy going to the bank, even though most transactions today can be done online. Maybe it is just more personal to make a trip to the bank. Or, maybe it brings back good memories of those simple days when I traveled with my family and my beloved little green bank book.

In a similar way, we make small deposits throughout each day. Those deposits may come in the form of a listening ear or a kind, encouraging word.

If we are even aware of the deposits, they may seem small to us. But, in God's timing, He will use those efforts and will make those deposits grow.

Just as I did not quite understand the concept of interest or dividends as a child, we cannot completely understand God's system of "banking". But, just as Rob offered a grace period to his dad, God offers His grace to us. As we receive that grace, we begin to grow.

2 Peter 3:18 - But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

Gifts and Offerings

One of my favorite books is entitled "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever". I try to read this touching little book every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, as it always helps me to see Christmas through new eyes, and never ceases to remind me of the true meaning of Christmas.

The first sentence in this book sets the stage: "The Herdmans were absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world." They loved to start large fires because the police cars and fire engines were sure to roll in, followed by delicious, free donuts from a generous local diner. Their idea of a game was to bang a garage door up and down as fast as they could in an attempt to "squash" each other.

Yes, the Herdmans were six skinny, undisciplined, stairstep children...Ralph, Imogene, Leroy, Claude, Ollie, and Gladys...whose dad had left , and whose overwhelmed mom had to work long hours to provide for her family. So, the Herdman children were pretty much left to take care of themselves.

These ruffian children took great pleasure in being terrors to their teachers and fellow students alike. And, there was not a teacher in the school who was brave or foolish enough to hold back a Herdman in their current grade, as that would create the impossible, unimaginable scenario of dealing with two Herdmans the next year.

The Herdmans had never set foot in a church...that is, until they heard that there would be free refreshments. And, that is when they got involved with the Christmas pageant. This annual event had been rehearsed and performed the same way for as long as anyone could remember. But, that changed when the Herdmans bullied their way into all of the leading roles in the pageant.

Since the Herdmans had never heard of the Christmas story, it was all fresh and new to them. Imogene played Mary, complete with a black eye, and was ready to "clobber" anyone who laid a hand on her baby. All of the Herdmans wanted to find Herod so they could burn him alive. And, they thought the gifts from the wise men were the most ridiculous, impractical offerings they had ever seen.

On the night of the Christmas pageant, the three wise men (Leroy, Claude, and Ollie) surprised everyone by placing their family food-basket ham in front of the manger as a gift for Jesus (and refused to take it back after the pageant). And, that is the part of the story that always brings tears to my eyes, as it reminds me that my gift for Jesus may not be the same as another's gift. The Herdman children gave an offering that was of value to them...the best that they had. And, the question that comes to my mind is, "Why should I offer Jesus any less?"

Lord, help me to see Your truths through new eyes, and to give you nothing less than the best that I have. Don't let me forget that everything I have to offer comes from You.

What can I give Him

Poor as I am

If I were a Shepherd

I would give a lamb

If I were a wise man

I would do my part

But what can I give Him

Give Him my heart

(Last verse of "In the Bleak Midwinter")

Through the Eyes of the Great Physician

As I am watching a dusting of snow on this cold December night, my mind travels back just a few weeks to a special November day at the beach. I would like to share more thoughts that came to mind on that day....

Journal entry on 11/09/10: I love to gather shells. On this journey to the beach, I have felt drawn to the large, thick shells. As always, I love the broken shells, as they are very symbolic to me (see January blog posting entitled "Broken Shells"). As I was picking up shells while walking along the beach, some friendly folks would ask, "Any luck with the shells"? or "Finding any pretty ones?" My response was, "Since I am partial to the broken shells, it is always a good shell day." That response always brought a smile.

I am so glad that God is partial to the broken shells. When Jesus was criticized by pious sinners for hanging out with the lowly sinners, He made it clear that the sick are the ones who need the doctor (Matthew 9:12). He truly is the Great Physician, and He loves broken shells like me. What a comfort that is!

Maybe I am relating to the large, thick shells on this trip as that is how I feel, especially when I look at a number on a scale. But, it occurs to me that those large, thick shells have been out in the ocean longer, tossing to and fro in their turbulent home. I, too, have been in the ocean of life for a long time. And, it would be safe to say that I have been tossed around in some major turbulence during 2010.

I believe that God sees the best in this thick, broken shell. And, I am eternally grateful that He chooses to use me, even in my broken condition. It amazes me that my broken state can be used as His vessel. Perhaps my imperfect condition will help me relate to another thick, hurting, broken shell. After all, a small, delicate, perfect shell might not understand what the thick, broken shell has endured.

Lord, help me to see myself through Your eyes. Then use me to make a difference in the lives of others who are broken and hurting.