April 2013 Column

"Thanks for letting Dan come out to play"

When I was 17 years-old, I was given a special little book titled Friendship is a Gentle Thing. I will interject some quotes from this book while sharing about a gentle friend in my life.

"Friends can come in many shapes and sizes."

I met Dan when I was about 11. He lived next door with his beautiful wife and four rambunctious little boys. I would sometimes catch a glimpse of Dan arriving at home after he had worked all day. And, on many evenings, I would show up on their doorstep to ask if Dan could come out to play. He often shared the gift of his time by coming over to play basketball with me at the goal attached to a tree in my backyard. Even then, I admired this timeless man's quiet strength, gentle spirit, and the ever present sparkle in his eyes. Dan always accepted me for exactly who I was, even during those awkward, preteen years. While he was not tall in stature, Dan was a giant in my eyes.

"Even when you live in different places, if you're friends, you're always neighbors."

Eventually, these dear friends moved to another area of town, and I lost my afternoon basketball buddy. But, it was always the same when we got back together, even after I was away for years serving in the military.

"Doing things together is the stuff friendships are made from. Sharing the memories is the glue."

After retiring from the Air Force in 1995, I returned to my home area and became the pianist at the church where Nancy - the one who graciously forgave me for taking her husband's attention when she had been with four busy little boys all day - and Dan were active members. For more than 15 years, we had many more opportunities to spend time together and to enjoy conversations at the piano bench and over meals.

In March of 2010, Dan was diagnosed with cancer just 18 days before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. While my journey was far less extensive than Dan's own, I found myself relating to him yet again, and drawing strength from his courageous example. From the very beginning of that new journey, Dan insisted that God had a plan. He consistently demonstrated an unwavering strength and courage beyond all human capability. As Dan faced surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, he continued to trust God, and to stand on a firm foundation.

We lost Dan in April of 2011. On the day before the funeral, I had a flower delivered to Nancy. The vase was a basketball. And, the note simply said, "Thanks for letting Dan come out to play."

In my mind, I like to imagine that I will one day live next door to Dan in Heaven. We will be young and healthy again. And, if there just happens to be a basketball goal attached to a tree in the backyard of my Heavenly home, I know that I will show up on Dan's doorstep, asking him to come out to play. Somehow, I know that he will honor that request, as he will not want to disappoint an old friend.

"A warm and quiet feeling rich in unspoken admiration, friendship is a gentle things - and life is good when you can say, 'I have a friend.'"

This column is in memory of Dan Alexander - basketball buddy, Christian neighbor, courageous hero and gentle friend.