Hemorrhoid Tales

As you probably know, Preparation H has been used for many years as a treatment for hemorrhoids. As a young nurse, I worked for about 18 months in a local hospital on a surgical unit, providing preoperative and postoperative care. When patients were admitted to our unit, we would question them about their medical history, current medications, etc. On a particular day, as I was working with a new patient, I asked her about those things. She responded in a serious tone that she had hemorrhoids, and that she used "Presbyterian H" to treat them. That was the day in my nursing career when I learned that being able to put on a "poker face" was a valuable skill in the nursing profession.

Fast forward about seven years. I was working as an Air Force nurse on a Multi-Service Unit in a small hospital in Arkansas. My husband worked in Law Enforcement on the same Air Force base. One day, as I was driving on the base, I failed to come to a complete stop at a stop sign. I cringed as I saw the blue lights flashing on the vehicle that seemed to come out of nowhere.

One of the flight chiefs (who worked with my husband) got out of the patrol car and swaggered to the window on my side of the car. He reminded me of Barney Fife as he had that cocky grin on his face. The flight chief recognized me and said, "This is too good." After making me uncomfortable as he talked to me about stopping completely at the stop signs, he let me off with just a warning.

Months later this same flight chief was admitted to the Multi-Service Unit where I worked. His diagnosis was hemorrhoids, and he was scheduled to have surgery the following day. To say that I was feeling mischievous when I walked down the hall to do his medical history would be a gross understatement. I swaggered into his room with a big smile on my face. You can guess the first words that came out of my mouth....."This is too good".

Since he had only given me a warning, I didn't torment him too much during his stay at the hospital. :)

It is always a good idea to be kind to nurses, as you may need them later. And, you do not want to give them a reason to swagger into your room and say, "This is too good." :)