June Column

Headline: "Dad always had a great roadmap for life"

Two of Daddy's favorite sayings are, "I've been around the block a few times" and "If you knock on enough doors, you will find a job." Some fathers arrange marriages - my daddy arranged summer jobs. So, as a teen, I did not need to knock on doors because a job was already waiting for me when school was out for summer "break".

The typical summer job involved standing on a hard floor in a place with no air conditioning. Most likely an early-morning shift. But, even though I would go home with cotton in my hair and eyelashes, or feeling faint from the heat after steaming names on uniforms all day, I learned some valuable lessons about work ethics. And, in the process, I had the privilege of meeting some of the most honest, hard-working people in the world.

When I started driving, I did not have the luxury of a computer, cell phone, GPS, or Mapquest. However, I was blessed to have "Dadquest" directions. Daddy was a truck driver for 32 years, could interpret any map, and had my full confidence that he could get himself - or anyone else - wherever they might choose to travel in the United States.

Over the years, an important part of each journey preparation was to ask Daddy to look at the map with me. After studying the map, he would determine the best route and would write it out for me. I always trusted that Daddy was guiding me in the right direction. And, I can honestly say that he never steered me on the wrong path, even when he wrote out the 1100 mile route to Texas when I entered the Air Force in 1978.

In a similar way, our Heavenly Father wants us to go to Him as we prepare for our life journeys. We are wise if we ask Him to look at the map and write out the best route for us. But, we are even wiser if we choose to follow His written directions. The truth is that our Heavenly Father has already given us written directions in His Word. It is our task to trust Him enough to stay on the course that He has provided for us to follow.

If I had chosen to ignore my "Dadquest" directions in 1978, I could have arrived in California instead of Texas. The Air Force would have definitely frowned on that! Choosing to ignore God's directions can lead to our arrival at a place where we truly do not want to be. Just ask the Prodigal Son. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

Max Lucado wrote that we never outgrow our need for a father's love. Daddy turns 88 this month, and spends a lot of time in bed because of pain. But, I happen to know that he lies awake every day and prays for his wife of 60 years, his children, and his grandchildren by name. I hope that Daddy never thinks that we no longer need him. The truth is that we need him more than ever. Through many life detours and bumps in the road, we desperately need Daddy's love and wisdom to help guide our paths. Who can argue with someone who has 26 safe driving awards? And, after all, Daddy has been around the block a few times.

May 2013 Column

This column was published in the Gaston Gazette on Mother's Day, 2013.

Headline: "The key ingredient was love"

My mother is known to her daughters as Mama, and to her grandchildren as Maw Maw. So I will refer to her as both of those names throughout this column.

There is a "Maw Maw Mystery" that I have been pondering for years. Here it is:   
Why does everything taste better at Maw Maw's house? I can make the same dish from the identical recipe. And, without exception, the dish will always taste better when Maw Maw makes it in her kitchen.

One of Maw Maw's secrets is to use whatever she has in stock. If I ask her how she made a dish, it is very likely that she will laugh and say, "I didn't make it exactly by the recipe. I just used what I had!" When she recently told me that she wasn't sure if she had the ingredients for a dish, I asked her what she had done with my Mama who would surely just use what she had.

In a recent interview, my son was asked, "What is the best advice you were ever given?" He immediately replied, "Use what you have." And, that sage advice from Maw Maw has become an ingrained philosophy in his culinary creations, as well as in other facets of life.

Everything that Mama makes is seasoned with love. When I turned 13, she made a birthday cake for me, as she did for each of her daughters every year.
But, to her dismay, this labor of love fell to pieces. The note that Mama wrote and placed by the shattered cake is a treasured memory for me. It simply said, "This cake is so full of love that it fell apart."  In my young teenage mind, there could not have been a more beautiful cake in the world.

Several years ago, Mama's Christmas gift to each of her four daughters was a recipe notebook titled, "Some of My Favorites".  Each of the 30 pages contained one of her favorite recipes penned in her own handwriting. At the bottom of each page, Mama wrote a favorite scripture verse. Those recipe notebooks are priceless heirlooms. And, since that Christmas, Mama has added recipes to our notebooks and has started compiling recipe notebooks for her grandchildren too.

Mama's advice to use what we have reminds me of Jesus. He had the power and authority to speak things into existence. In fact, the wind, waves, demons, disease, and even death responded to His voice. But sometimes He chose to use what He had to accomplish His purpose. Turning water into wine comes to mind. And He multiplied the loaves and fish that the little boy already had in order to feed thousands of hungry people.

Just as love is the seasoning in everything that Mama does for us, love was behind all that Jesus did, including paying a debt for us that He did not owe. The Scripture verse that is written on Mama's sweet potato pudding recipe page reminds me that God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son so that anyone who believes in Him will not perish, but will have everlasting life.

Yes, God used what He had...Jesus...to provide a way for us. And, the key ingredient was love.

April 2013 Column

"Thanks for letting Dan come out to play"

When I was 17 years-old, I was given a special little book titled Friendship is a Gentle Thing. I will interject some quotes from this book while sharing about a gentle friend in my life.

"Friends can come in many shapes and sizes."

I met Dan when I was about 11. He lived next door with his beautiful wife and four rambunctious little boys. I would sometimes catch a glimpse of Dan arriving at home after he had worked all day. And, on many evenings, I would show up on their doorstep to ask if Dan could come out to play. He often shared the gift of his time by coming over to play basketball with me at the goal attached to a tree in my backyard. Even then, I admired this timeless man's quiet strength, gentle spirit, and the ever present sparkle in his eyes. Dan always accepted me for exactly who I was, even during those awkward, preteen years. While he was not tall in stature, Dan was a giant in my eyes.

"Even when you live in different places, if you're friends, you're always neighbors."

Eventually, these dear friends moved to another area of town, and I lost my afternoon basketball buddy. But, it was always the same when we got back together, even after I was away for years serving in the military.

"Doing things together is the stuff friendships are made from. Sharing the memories is the glue."

After retiring from the Air Force in 1995, I returned to my home area and became the pianist at the church where Nancy - the one who graciously forgave me for taking her husband's attention when she had been with four busy little boys all day - and Dan were active members. For more than 15 years, we had many more opportunities to spend time together and to enjoy conversations at the piano bench and over meals.

In March of 2010, Dan was diagnosed with cancer just 18 days before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. While my journey was far less extensive than Dan's own, I found myself relating to him yet again, and drawing strength from his courageous example. From the very beginning of that new journey, Dan insisted that God had a plan. He consistently demonstrated an unwavering strength and courage beyond all human capability. As Dan faced surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, he continued to trust God, and to stand on a firm foundation.

We lost Dan in April of 2011. On the day before the funeral, I had a flower delivered to Nancy. The vase was a basketball. And, the note simply said, "Thanks for letting Dan come out to play."

In my mind, I like to imagine that I will one day live next door to Dan in Heaven. We will be young and healthy again. And, if there just happens to be a basketball goal attached to a tree in the backyard of my Heavenly home, I know that I will show up on Dan's doorstep, asking him to come out to play. Somehow, I know that he will honor that request, as he will not want to disappoint an old friend.

"A warm and quiet feeling rich in unspoken admiration, friendship is a gentle things - and life is good when you can say, 'I have a friend.'"

This column is in memory of Dan Alexander - basketball buddy, Christian neighbor, courageous hero and gentle friend.

March 2013 Column

I am so grateful for the opportunity to write a monthly column for a local newspaper. Since some might not have a chance to see the Gaston Gazette, I will include the columns in this blog site. And, that will be a good way to keep them compiled in one place. I write the column, and the newspaper chooses the headline. So, here is the March 2013 column:

"Facing cancer, treatment one day at a time"

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010, I began a journey down a road that I had not previously traveled. While I was very aware that thousands of women and men had been down this road, it was still my personal journey. Many chose to travel with me, whether by their presence, prayers, written or spoken words of encouragement, food, a loving touch or a hug. I understood that others would not choose to join me on the journey, as the new diagnosis served as an uncomfortable reminder that they were also vulnerable to this disease.

During those days when I seemed to be in a mental and emotional fog, I got up in the mornings and took one step at a time. I could relate to a quote by Mark Twain: "Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it." So I pressed on while trusting that God had a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 became very real to me: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Just a couple of weeks after the surgery, I drove to Charlotte twice each day for the high dose radiation treatments. I will never believe it was coincidental that a new song was constantly playing on the radio in my car. I learned that the song was "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson. The lyrics seemed to take a flying leap from the radio into the depths of my turbulent soul. As a musician, I was drawn to "Would you dare, would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing? 'Cause the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming."

Another line of the same song reminded me that the pain I was feeling was just the hurt before the healing. I found that my greatest struggle was not due to physical pain. Rather, it was from emotional pain that stemmed from the shock of the cancer diagnosis, as well as a deep personal disappointment and loss that occurred within weeks of the diagnosis. But, even when our human bodies and other human beings disappoint us, God remains faithful. He keeps his promise that He will never leave us or forsake us. And, I could not ask for a better son, parents, sisters, extended family, and friends.

As I joyfully celebrate my three year cancer survivor anniversary, I am grateful for my journey and for the gift of life. Cancer did not define who I was, but was rather an event that has become forever woven into my life tapestry. I am certain that God has left me here for a purpose. And, with so much living, learning, laughing and loving to do, I don't want to waste a minute.

Life Threads

My mother is a skilled seamstress who made all of her daughters' clothes, as well as our dolls' clothes. I had the best dressed bride doll and Barbie dolls around! And, their fashions were made from scraps of material that were left from our handmade clothes. 

When I was a young girl, Mama would take us on outings to Mary Jo's Cloth Store. In my mind, I can still smell the dye in the thousands of bolts of cloth, and I can feel the excitement and anticipation that washed over me at the thought of choosing a pattern, cloth, and buttons for a new dress. It was important to select the right pattern because there would surely be several dresses of varying colors designed from that same pattern. When the dresses were finished, they always looked just as I imagined they would. There was comfort and predictability in that.

Life is not always so predictable. Even when we choose what we view at the time as just the right pattern and plan, the end product does not always appear as we imagined it would. Divorce, health challenges, wayward children, job loss, disappointing superiors, and other unplanned events sometimes put us on a detour which significantly changes the way we thought our "life threads" would appear.

When I am struggling to get past a difficult "seam" in my life, it comforts me to know that God sees the final product, even when I cannot see past the current moment. And, He loves me even when I am under construction. Just as Mama would (and still does!) patiently repair a ripped out hem or a hole in my clothes, God is in the life repair business. And, He keeps His promise not to leave me to face the challenging life threads and circumstances alone.

I love the "sewing terminology" used in Psalm 139:5 - "You hem me in behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me." How awesome to know that God is protecting me, and that He is already preparing the way for what lies ahead!

Lord, I know that I am an unfinished product. Thank You for loving me during every phase of construction. Help me to pattern my life after the example of Your Son. 

Shooting Turkeys

I have a natural tendency to be a reflective person. But, during some emotional roller coaster years, I have learned how important it is to keep my sense of humor. In fact, it absolutely delights me to read, hear, or see something that just makes me fall out laughing. During this long Thanksgiving weekend, a friend posted on Facebook that she had shot her first turkey this Thanksgiving.....and that it shocked everyone in the frozen food section of the store!  I just fell out laughing when I read that! (Thanks, Danielle!)

With this idea in mind, I will share my favorite Thanksgiving poem of all times. It is called, "The Turkey Shot Out of the Oven".

The turkey shot out of the oven,
and rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table,
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner,
and burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows;
It totally coated the floor.
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance;
It smeared every saucer and bowl.
There wasn't a way I could stop it.
That turkey was out of control!

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey...
with popcorn that hadn't been popped!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Blessing of the Hands

In May of 2011, a new tradition was started during a nursing pinning ceremony at the college where I have worked with nursing students for 11 years. As I observed from the piano where I was quietly playing music, a chaplain anointed the nursing graduates' hands with oil, and said a prayer of blessing over their hands as they launched into their nursing careers. It was one of the most meaningful ceremonies that I had ever attended. 

As I drove home on that evening in 2011, I felt a seed of desire already growing in my heart to have my hands anointed. So, prior to the pinning ceremony in May of 2012, I asked the chaplain if he would anoint my hands after the ceremony. As I sat on the piano bench and held out my hands, I cried as I felt the soothing oil being rubbed into my hands, and I heard the chaplain pray a sweet blessing over my hands as I continued during the days ahead to play the piano, work with students, love and support my son, and make myself available to serve in whatever capacity that God had planned for me. 

I have played the piano since I was seven years-old. In less than two weeks, that will be fifty years. Where has the time gone?

I treasure these words from Barbara Johnson: "How priceless that You anoint me for ministry using my own two hands... Jesus, I want to use my hands the way You used Yours to heal and lift and resurrect lost things in people's lives. I pray the compassion I feel in my heart will find its way to my fingers. Amen."

Psalm 90:17 - "May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;  establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands."

Lord, I sang as a child that You have the whole world in Your hands. And, I still believe that with every fiber of my being. Please use my hands to serve You as long as there is breath left in me.

Lessons From the Green Rocking Chair

Barbara Johnson penned these words:  "Yesterday is a sacred room in your heart where you keep your memories...From your yesterdays you draw lessons and encouragement to pass along to others."

Yesterday afternoon I spent some relaxing time in a bright green wooden rocking chair in McBee, SC. From the green rocker, I watched brightly colored butterflies lighting on orange and yellow lantana blooms. The butterflies appeared to be playing and having a jubilant time. Remembering those playful butterflies makes me wonder when most adults stop playing. And, why do we stop playing? Is playing considered to be trivial, undignified, and unworthy of our time when we reach adulthood?

My mind travels back in time to when I was a child. As the dusk settled in, we would chase "lightening bugs" and would place them in a jar that had air holes punched by our mama in the metal lid. Collecting those lightening bugs was our way of making our own live blinking flashlight. We would play "chase", hide and seek, and jump rope. And, there was always a bicycle to ride or a basketball to shoot in the goal that was attached to a tree in the backyard. You would never hear one of us saying that we were bored. 

As I rocked rhythmically in the bright green wooden rocking chair, I was moving back and forth without going anywhere. As I ponder that, I wonder who came up with the "rule" that we must always be moving in order to reach a destination in a big hurry. While rocking, I had a most pleasant conversation with a silver-haired lady from Georgia. As we rocked in unison, the only thing I knew positively that we had in common was our preference for butter pecan ice cream. While the weight loss programs would surely frown on the fact that she was finishing off her friend's ice cream cone after consuming her own, I loved her philosophy of not letting good things in life go to waste, especially when it is homemade butter pecan ice cream!

On this day, I want to be a child. Not childish, but child-like. I took a first step toward that goal by trying chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream on top today instead of the boring adult variety that I usually have.

I love Steven James' thoughts about being child-like: "Set loose my awe and my squirrelly playfulness... Let me be young enough to run, not walk, toward the playground...Let me be young enough to make snow angels and climb trees in the twilight....to be astonished by dandelions and quick to chase fireflies."

Lord, make me more child-like, and restore a jubilant, playful spirit in me. Thank you for allowing me to slow down enough to see life lessons from the bright green wooden rocking chair. 

Letting Go

A couple of months ago, a thoughtful friend (thank you, Kimberly!:) shared a written message by T.D. Jakes. Since that day, I have spent some time pondering the topic of letting go. It is so easy to hang on to people, words, attitudes, bad memories, habits, hurts, and the past. My friend, Patti, very accurately calls this hanging on behavior mental hoarding. I want to share some excerpts from T.D. Jakes' message:


"If you are holding on to past hurts and pains....LET IT GO!
If someone has angered you....LET IT GO!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge....LET IT GO!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction....LET IT GO!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs...LET IT GO!
If you have a bad attitude....LET IT GO!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better....LET IT GO!
If you're stuck in the past, and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him....LET IT GO!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth....
LET IT GO!"


When I allow myself to stay bogged down in the mud and mire of the past, I am cheating myself out of what God has planned for me during the current chapter of my life. When I let go of the past, I am free to move forward in the direction that God has already mapped out for me.  
He will reveal His plan to me in His perfect timing. I must confess that I sometimes have a different idea about the definition of "perfect timing". But, I know that God's timing is always the best. 


In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul talks about forgetting what is behind, straining toward what is ahead, and pressing on. If we have a personal relationship with Christ, then we are free to let go of the things that have kept us in bondage.


I cannot control if a negative thought or memory comes to mind. But, I can choose not to dwell on a thought or memory that promises to drag me down into the pits of despair. That doesn't mean that I live in a world of denial. It just means that I am choosing to let go.


Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


Lord, give me the courage to let go and to press on toward what You have for me in the days to come.

Human Being or Human Doing?

Joshua Sundquist, a young writer from Virginia, penned these words:  ...Stress has forced me to step back and reconnect with the things that do give me peace: going on walks, reading books about spiritual matters, journaling, spending time with family and friends. In short, I've been trying to become more of a human being, instead of a human doing."


Those words hit me right between the eyes. And, I must ask myself this question: Have I become a human doing, and completely lost sight of how to be a human being? Further, if I am a human doing who is in constant motion, how can I expect God to speak to me when I am obviously too busy to listen?


On this very evening, a dear friend spoke some wise words as we discussed via text messaging how there is always more that needs to be done. Patti gave me permission to share her thoughts. She said that life is too short to limit ourselves to only things that need to be done. It is important to sometimes allow ourselves to do things that we want to do. In Patti's words, "I think I am finally learning, after all these years, the important things. It is not money or what you have; it is special times with friends, a smile, just enjoying simple pleasures like sitting on the deck listening to the birds.." Patti is a strong, intelligent, creative woman who has figured out what some of us strive for a lifetime to learn.


In the 23rd Psalm, David writes, "He leads me beside the still waters." Then, it should be no great surprise that the next verse says, "He restores my soul." Is it possible that we need a time by the quiet, still waters in order for our souls to be restored? It occurs to me that, when I am in perpetual motion and always thinking of what I need to accomplish next on my endless self-made list, there is no hope of my soul being restored.


The good news is that there is a Shepherd Who majors in restoring hope to the soul. As Max Lucado says, "The jungle is still a jungle. It hasn't changed, but you have. You have changed because you have hope."


Maybe, just maybe, I need to give myself permission to spend some time by the quiet, still waters or in another quiet place that nurtures my soul. And, I am seriously considering tossing that endless list that I have made, as I don't want to spend the rest of my life being a human doing instead of a human being. 


Lord, restore my soul.

The Journey

On this morning, I am sitting at a table on the 19th floor balcony. The "power tool workers" have either gone on strike, finished with the loud part of the pool project, or are off on Saturdays. Whatever the case, I am grateful for this balcony time when I can soak in the soothing song of the ocean.

Since the weather is unseasonably warm, people are starting to gather on the beach....a little girl wearing a pink shirt walks beside her daddy and occasionally stops to bend down and examine a pretty seashell....a little boy runs toward the ocean to gather water in his sand bucket...a daddy is holding his toddler's hand tightly so the child does not fall in the sand or wander into the crashing ocean waves...the sounds of laughter....couples of all ages walking without a specific destination....individuals jogging or walking alone.

As I watch from my 19th floor balcony "perch", I see life and hear the sounds of life. And, I am reminded that life is precious.

On this last day of March in 2010, I had no idea that I was carrying a small malignant tumor in my body. No idea that, on the next day, I would receive a call that would forever change my outlook on life.

The days that followed that phone call were filled with the emotions that go along with surgery, radiation, and uncertainty. At the same time, I was dealing with emotions that accompanied watching my husband leave after 28 years of marriage. I would think I was coping fine, then would find myself crying while lying very still on a table as radiation filled the cavity that had housed the small tumor.

During those radiation treatments, I listened to a piano CD that I had recorded a couple of years prior to that time. Before recording those songs of the faith, I had prayed that God would use the CD to minister and comfort at just the right time. Only God knew that the CD would comfort me during some very dark days. After completing my round of high dose radiation treatments, I left the CD in the radiation center in hopes that it would comfort others who would travel the same path in future days.

Tomorrow I will be a two year cancer survivor. It feels so good to write those words! I am very aware that many have had a much more difficult path during their cancer journey. But, I am grateful for my journey. And, on this day, I am thankful for the gift of life.

John 10:10b - I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (more abundantly).

Psalm 139:14a - I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:16 - All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

Lord, thank you for the journey, and for the gift of life.

Numbing Noise

On this Friday morning, I am sitting at a table in a room on the 19th floor. And, I am watching the majestic ocean waves through closed glass doors. Normally, I would be reading or writing while sitting at a table on the balcony, and the song of the waves would soothe my soul. But, there is a maddening noise that has thwarted that peaceful possibility. Specifically, the grating sound of power tools as an outdoor pool is being constructed. The workers and their noisy tools seem to be busy from morning until night as they are diligently moving forward on this project which I have, truthfully, resented. A dear friend offered to pray for a workers' strike. Not a bad idea!

As my son says, "Whoa!! Hold on!" I am feeling resentful of the incessant noise that others create. And, it occurs to me that I sometimes intentionally surround myself with noise and activity and busyness. Is that my way of numbing or avoiding my pain?

After almost two years of legal separation, my divorce was final eight days ago. Even though I knew that day was coming, it still felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach when I sat at my dining room table and read the notarized divorce papers which had been signed by a judge who probably signs divorce papers every day. While caring friends were saying, "Let's celebrate!", I was feeling like a death had occurred.... Death of a marriage.... Death of "til death do us part."

A time will come when I celebrate the beginning of a new chapter in my life. But, for now, I grieve. While it is easier to surround myself with noise and busyness, I need to allow myself to feel the unedited version of how I really feel. No pretending that I have it all together. There are haunting questions like, "Was I not good enough?" and "Could I have done more to make our marriage last for a lifetime?" While I won't dwell on those questions forever, I must face them. "Anesthesia" such as food, activity, noise, sleep, and work will numb my pain for a limited amount of time. But, only waking up and facing my grief will allow me to move forward in my life journey.

Author Steven James writes that we cannot expect the visible to heal the invisible. A damaged soul can only be bandaged by God's hand.

"So I lay myself before You:

a damaged heart in need of repair,

an empty vessel needing to be filled,

an aching soul needing to be healed."

(from "A Heart Exposed" by Steven James)

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Lord, I feel like someone is using sandpaper to scrape the open wound of my heart. Thank you for staying close in the midst of my noisy and hurried life. Help me to face my pain and to feel Your presence.

Clowns and Shakers

On this night, thirty years ago, I had been married for just a few hours. And, on this night in 2012, I have no words of wisdom or advice.

Even though this has been a busy day, it has been a time of introspection and pondering. Jumbled thoughts dance through my head tonight as I travel back to 1982. During a time of no cell phones or internet, we planned a wedding from 1100 miles away. Dress patterns and soft blue material were mailed to all of the bridesmaids who were either in North Carolina, or would be traveling from as far as Florida, Texas, and New Mexico. Family and friends served as gracious and willing hosts for the wedding party members who had traveled long distances. The groom wore his formal Air Force uniform, the best man sported his formal Army uniform, and the groomsmen wore black suits with striped ties. Since I was an Air Force officer, I briefly entertained the thought of wearing my formal uniform, but opted for a beautiful white wedding dress which made me feel like a princess. My tall, handsome daddy wore his best dark suit, and proudly walked me down the aisle. Before entering the room, I remember holding my daddy's arm and standing in awe of the elegant sanctuary which was lit by hundreds of glowing white candles.

Even after all of these years, it touches me that so many people volunteered to help make the wedding weekend a memorable occasion. A dear lady in my home church decorated the sanctuary with greenery as a wedding gift. Another precious family friend made the wedding cake and matching sheet cakes as a wedding gift. The white icing with red roses perfectly matched my wedding bouquet. My sweet Mama made the food for the reception, and was available for whatever needed to be done. Bridal showers were hosted, and net rice bags were made and filled. The church choir sounded like angels as they sang "The Majesty and Glory of Your Name" from the balcony of the sanctuary.

One of my sisters bought dolls, and sewed wedding outfits for them. The groom doll was a clown which would fit right into my clown collection. My youngest sister, who was about 11 years-old at that time, gave me a salt and pepper shaker set which consisted of a boy and girl clown. The girl clown was holding a red umbrella, while the boy clown was holding a blue balloon. I remember that my sister cried because she thought the salt and pepper shakers were not as nice as other gifts that we received. Joy, you had a kind and generous heart then, just as you do now. Some of the other gifts have been long forgotten. But, your gift from the heart will always be remembered.

We had many wonderful years, and in 1992 were blessed with a precious son who is now in college 400 miles away and continues to be a joy in my life.

In just a few days, the divorce will be final. To be quite honest, I am not sure how we got from where we were in 1982 to where we are now. But, as I sit here with my bride and groom dolls and my little clown shaker set, I know that I have been blessed.....and I would do it again.

A Case for Peace

On this evening, I am sitting at the dining room table, surrounded by stacks of books, a journal, an empty granola bar wrapper, and a partially consumed Coke Zero. A word has been on my mind since this morning when I read some thoughts that were penned by Julie Garmon, a Daily Guideposts writer from Monroe, Georgia.... "I'm choosing to seek God's peace every single day. Absolutely nothing is worth losing it - no events in my past, no bitterness in the present, no fear about the future. No one has the power to take my peace from me; I have to choose to give it away..."

Yes, the word is "peace". As a young girl, I sang the following words with other GAs at a wonderful mountain camp: "I have the peace that passes understanding down in my heart, down in my heart to stay." Those words were taken directly from Philippians 4:7 - "And the peace of God which passes (transcends) all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

At that time of youth and innocence, I had no comprehension of what the future would hold for me, or of how that peace that truly goes beyond all understanding would stay with me throughout the years of my life. But, as a 9 year-old girl, I chose to place my trust in the One Who has never failed me. It was the most crucial decision of my life.

Even in times of heart-wrenching grief and loss, that underlying peace of God has sustained me. When my body was found to be housing cancer....in times of abandonment, whether through death or other means....God's faithfulness and peace have seen me through. Does that mean that we do not grieve? Absolutely not! It is normal and healthy to work through the stages of grief when there is a sense of loss. And, no one can dictate a time frame when we should "get on with it" or "get over it".

Jesus comforted His disciples with these words in John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

On this day, I am choosing peace. As Julie Garmon said, nothing is worth giving away that peace. And, no one or no circumstance has the power to take that peace from me.

Oh, here is the rest of the song: "And I'm so happy, so very happy; I have the love of Jesus in my heart, down in my heart. And I'm so happy, so very happy; I have the love of Jesus in my heart."

Colossians 3:15 - "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."

Lord, thank you for putting a song in my heart, and for being the source of my peace.

Ordinary People

For a moment, let's play a "what if" game. What if you were a member of a large family.....and some important guests were coming to your home for a visit.....and your dad had been instructed to gather all of his children.....and a great honor was to be given to one of the children, but no one knew who the chosen child would be.....and you were doing your ordinary, assigned chores that you did every day.....and you were not invited to be a part of your family's visit with the distinguished guests.

What thoughts might run through my mind if I was not invited to the mysterious gathering? Am I not a part of this family? Does my father love me and think of me as his child? I try so hard to please him! He must not believe that I am very smart or capable of being anything other than ordinary.

When Samuel went to meet with Jesse and his sons, Samuel did not know which son would be anointed as king. God instructed Samuel to go with the promise that, at the right time, He would show Samuel what to do and which son to anoint.

When Jesse's sons started parading in front of Samuel, he started looking for all of the outer attributes that he thought would make a good king. But, God stopped Samuel and told him that he was looking at all of the wrong things.

1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outer appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

So Jesse didn't follow his instructions to gather all of his sons. And, Samuel was looking at Jesse's sons' outer appearance as he was searching for a king. And, David was out in the field doing his ordinary job of tending the sheep. Yet, when God called David, his ordinary life was suddenly extraordinary.

David's brothers (and even his father) were surely shocked when David was anointed as king. I can hear some of their comments as David was being brought in from the field. What a waste of time to bring David in! He is just an ordinary shepherd! I am the oldest! I am the strongest! I should be the one! There must be a mistake here!

Have you ever felt left out? Or, like David's brothers, have you ever expected an honor, but found yourself helplessly watching as that honor was presented to another person? Have you ever felt like, no matter what you did, you could not measure up to your parents' expectations of you to be smart or pretty or talented or ______ (you fill in the blank)?

Our Heavenly Father is watching and guiding us on those days when we feel so ordinary. His love for us is not based on physical appearance or talent or any other performance. What a comfort to know that there is nothing we can do to make our Father love us more, and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. He reminds us that His invitation is always open to us, and that no one is excluded. This loving Father longs to spend time with us and to comfort us when we feel discouraged and beat up by the world.

May we remember that David did not receive one of the first invitations to the gathering where he would be anointed as king. That shows us what can happen on an ordinary day when an ordinary person is touched and chosen by an extraordinary God!

When others see a shepherd boy,

God may see a king.

Even though your life is filled

with ordinary things.

In just a moment, He can touch you,

And everything will change.

When others see a shepherd boy,

God may see a king.

(Chorus to "Shepherd Boy")

Lord, thank you for loving and choosing ordinary people.

Provision Challenge

On this late night when the outdoor temperature is dipping into the teens, I am propped up against a beautiful peach colored satin pillowcase (made by my sweet mama!) and am surrounded by some of my favorite things....books, journal, calendar, pen, highlighter, soft cream colored throw, a bear named "Pinky"....You get the picture. And, on this night, I am thinking about provisions.

My sister, Jan, is a wonderful example of someone who watches for God's provisions on a daily basis. She encouraged me to start listing God's provisions in my calendar as they occur. So, I have decided to take her up on what I will call the "2012 Provision Challenge". Perhaps I will share about God's provisions throughout the year. In fact, I will start right now. Yes, it is only the third day of 2012, and there are already provisions listed and highlighted in my new calendar.

On January 2, I wrote in my calendar that I get to skip my house payment for the month of January due to refinancing at a lower interest rate. Because of that lower interest rate, my future house payments will decrease by $177 per month. Provisions! On this evening, I stopped by a local Christian bookstore with a coupon and a gift card in hand. When I left the store, I had two new books and a nickel to spare on my gift card! That provision is penned and highlighted in my calendar.

We have a choice to live with a scarcity mentality or an abundance mentality. In the scarcity mentality world, we believe that there are only so many blessings and provisions to go around. But, in the abundance mentality, we live in a world of unlimited blessings and provisions. I am choosing the abundance mentality. After all, Jesus came to give us an abundant life. It is not His desire that we live in the scarcity mindset.

Sometimes we are blind to God's provisions, even though they are all around us. But, when we have a true desire to see the blessings and provisions, it is as if God peels the scales from our eyes. I am going to be watching for those provisions with an abundance mentality during this fresh new year!

Deuteronomy 28:11a - The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity...

Philippians 4:19 - And my God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

John 10:10b - I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.

Lord, help me to watch for your abundant provisions. And, thank you for sisters who challenge us and lead the way.

Peace and Peanut Butter

On this first day of 2012, I am eating a bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter (my favorite!) mixed in, drinking a Coke Zero, and reading the first Daily Guideposts devotion for this new year. After reading the devotion, I usually turn to the back of the book and read about the writer of the devotion for that day. I have tried to make it a habit to breathe a prayer for the writer after reading about him/her.

One thing I have learned is that the Daily Guideposts devotion writers are real people who have become a family. I look forward to reading about what has happened in the lives of each writer throughout the year. There is always a theme for the year. I am so excited to learn that the theme for 2012 is "The Things That Make for Peace".

Let me back up and say that, throughout the year, there are the inevitable days when I don't slow down enough to sit and read the daily devotion. But, when I do, there are always blessings and timely messages which seem to be penned just for me.

As I read the devotion by Marion Bond West on this day, these words jumped off of the page: "I'm trying to practice being still and quiet and letting God be God." Marion, I'm with you! Your words are my heart's desire on January 1, 2012.

Psalm 46:10a - Be still and know that I am God.

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.

Lord, help me to take time to be still and quiet in this noisy world as I listen for Your voice. And, help me to let You be God!

Last Day on the Balcony

Words from a handwritten journal on my last day on the balcony:

I am sitting on the balcony again on my last morning here at the beach. From my 8th floor "perch", I can see families, couples, "snowbirds" who live at the beach several months of the year, people walking their dogs, shell and sharks' teeth seekers, and an occasional person walking alone by the sea.

In about an hour, this relaxing and renewing time will be a wonderful memory as I return to the responsibilities that wait for me at home. But, I am grateful for this gift of time with Rob, and for the quiet moments that I have had to be still and feel Your presence. Help me to slow down in my everyday world so that I will hear Your voice as You lead me in the days ahead.

Psalm 16:7a - I will praise the Lord Who counsels me.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths (make your paths straight).

Proverbs 2:3-5 - And if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

Lord, I am trusting You, leaning on You, and acknowledging You as the one Who created everything and Who is in control of everything. Thank You for directing my path. I am calling out for insight and crying aloud for understanding.

Show me the way.

From the Balcony...

On this 29th day of December, I am thinking about some verses in the 29th chapter of Jeremiah:

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Lord, I am so glad that You know the plans that You have for me. You didn't say that You think You know, or that You may know. Even though I don't know Your plan for this next chapter of my life, it is a comfort that You know.

Jeremiah 29:12 - Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.

Lord, I am calling on You, and coming to You, and praying to You. In this world, there is a lot more talking than listening. Thank You for listening and hearing my heart, even when I can't find the words.

Jeremiah 29:13 - You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

On this morning, I am sitting at a table on an 8th floor balcony which overlooks the ocean. As I listen to the crashing waves, I am overwhelmed by the majesty and magnitude of Your creation. And, from this balcony, I am seeking You with all my heart.

Jeremiah 29:14 - I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.

Lord, am I in captivity? Have I created a prison for myself? Perhaps a prison of comfort and mediocrity? Have I limited Your plans for me by remaining in my self-constructed cell? If I have become comfortable in a prison cell, then I am ready to break free!

Psalm 142:7 - Set me free from my prison, that I may praise Your name.

Psalm 143:8 - Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.

From this balcony, I have just watched six people riding on horseback by the ocean. What a beautiful sight! Five horses and riders stayed on the safe, dry sand. But, the horse that caught my attention was the one that danced in the ocean waves with abandon, free of fear.

Lord, help me to dance with abandon in the beauty of Your creation, free of fear. Just as the ocean is singing a majestic song to me on this morning, let my life be a song of praise to You.

Vision

On this peaceful December morning, I feel nudged to share the thoughts that I have journaled. Perhaps sharing will help me as I walk through this new chapter of my life. And, just maybe someone else will be able to relate. Psalm 139 is my favorite chapter in the Bible. On this morning, it is on my heart.

Psalm 139: 5 - You hem me in - behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me.

Lord, thank You for hemming me in with Your protection.

Psalm 139:9-10 - If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.

Lord, as I am writing, I am looking across the ocean to the horizon. As You well know, I lived on the far side of the sea in Germany for seven months of my life. Just as You guided me in Germany twenty years ago, I know that You are guiding me now. Even though my human eyes can only see a finite distance, You are all-seeing. Your vision is infinite. You are near-sighted and far-sighted. My aging, far-sighted eyes cannot compare to Your eyes that see everything, even before it is there.

Psalm 139:16 - All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

Lord, You knew that I would be at the beach with my 19 year-old son on this beautiful, sunny day in December. As he is sleeping on this quiet morning, I am searching for what You have in store for me during this new chapter of my life. And, it is no surprise to You that I am searching. I want to serve You.

So, please show me what You have in mind for me. You already know that I have given up something that I have loved doing for 17 years. My hands, mind, and heart are open to serve You. I get very comfortable with the familiar. But, I know that You will reveal Your will in Your perfect timing if I will be quiet and listen. And, You already know that being quiet and still do not come naturally to me!

Psalm 139:23-24 - Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Take my life, lead me Lord;

Take my life, lead me Lord;

Make my life useful for Thee.

He leadeth me, He leadeth me;

By His own hand, He leadeth me.

His faithful follower I would be;

For by His hand, He leadeth me.

Lead me, Lord. And, give me eyes to see what You have for me during this time in my life.